The Man in the Red Bow-tie

by Ryan Lawless

 

“Get back here, culprit!”

“Stop! Thief!”

“Get him!”

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The shouts fueled Oliver Twist’s swift pace as he raced through the narrow, unfamiliar alleys that crammed London’s heart. “Get him! He stole my handkerchief,” the old gentleman yelled.

 

The gentleman’s handkerchief had, indeed, been stolen. Oliver was innocent, though— confused for being the cunning Artful Dodger. But without proof, he carried on in escape. As his weak legs began to tire, an odd man appeared beside him, effortlessly maintaining the boy’s quick pace. “Hello,” the stranger said with a big smile, “I’m going to help you!” His face was warm and inviting; Oliver trusted him.

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“Who are you?”

“Don’t worry about it. Follow me!” He grabbed Oliver’s hand and led him forward.

 

They made a sharp left into a dark passage that Oliver hadn’t noticed. Remaining quiet as the unsuspecting pursuers rushed by, the pair found themselves in safety.

 

“Lovely!” The newcomer seemed amused. He flashed a wise, confident smile. His cheeriness bothered Oliver who had never met someone so peculiar and lively. “Don’t you love when everything goes according to plan?” Oliver nodded in approval. He now got a closer look at the man: he wore a brightly colored suit with a red bow tied around his neck. His hair was brushed at an odd angle. He looked at Oliver in a very unique way—he stared intensely into Oliver’s eyes when he spoke, as if genuinely interested by what he had to say and aware of an inner potential that Oliver had never known.

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“Come along, then,” he said.

 

Bewildered by the oddity of the situation, Oliver obediently trailed behind the man, down a mucky road. At the end stood a large blue box, into which the man stepped. Oliver followed. It was bigger on the inside.

 

“Sir. W-what. How is—”

“Impressive, isn’t it?”

“Yes, sir.”

“Good. Hungry?”

 

Oliver’s desperate eyes rendered an answer unnecessary: his companion quickly laid out a full feast. It was similar to the food that Oliver’s masters used to eat on Sundays. But this was for him alone. Delighted, his weak eyes watered. He hastily shoveled handfuls of food into his small mouth. As he ate, the blue box started to make a series of strange noises.

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Stepping outside, the man wearing the red bow said, “Come out here when you finish. Take your time.”

 

Oliver left the box after sucking on the last chicken bone and licking his dirt-covered fingers. He was at the end of the same road, but in a new world. The muck was gone. He emerged into a wide space filled with strangely dressed men and women, massive buildings, and roaring metal contraptions. He covered his ears in attempt to block out the noise that drowned his ears in a relentless buzz. His senses overwhelmed, Oliver ran off in search of the man who took him here.

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St. John’s street was unrecognizable, but vaguely similar: Oliver only recognized the general layout and exposed cobblestoned path. Following it, he turned into a familiar alley. To his surprise, it did not reek of urine as usual. At the other end, he saw St. John’s Gate. But something was off: people were talking to themselves, with their hands pressed to their ears—as if talking into their hands. A metal beast charged toward Oliver and he dodged its path just before being crushed flat. There was noise everywhere: it made him cringe. The shining buildings stung Oliver’s eyes with a harsh light. Overcome, Oliver collapsed onto the ground in a heap. This was not the London he knew: it was a ghost of the city he had just been running through a few hours earlier. It was the same, but it was different. It was a hellish alternate universe.

 

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“Get up! What do you think?” The man had found Oliver and helped him up.

“What is this place?”

“Welcome to London. 2013. Want to see some more?”

Salacious Gossip

by Ryan Lawless Image

The moon’s glow blanketed the palace’s foyer in a soft lighting as two maids prepared for an upcoming feast. The secluded, intimate atmosphere instigated an unreserved sharing of the boldest gossip between the palace maids. Margaret, who was scrubbing the cobblestone stairs, had just overheard a rumor about the King and was looking forward it sharing it with Amy—leaning over the staircase, she asked:

“Have you heard the King’s latest, Amy?”

Amy looked around to make sure that they were alone. Quietly stepping toward Margaret, she responded, “I did. I always knew he was a bit off…”

“Aye, he’s certainly queer. Laying with another man… couldn’t believe my ears.”

“The nerve,” Margaret added, shaking her head.

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Amused by the King’s indignity, the pair carried on with their work. Such stories of lust and desire added a scandalous edge to the regal chambers of Hampton Court Palace; they momentarily reduced the status of rulers from lofty sovereigns to corruptible mortals. But these were more than stories of mere lust and desire—they were stories of politics and subversion. Women and men of the monarchy weaponized sex to promote their own agendas and satiate their sexual appetite. Having a mistress was expected of a ruling class man. Even women sometimes pursued secret relationships. Leaving its participants bare and vulnerable, sex acted as an instrumental tool in political life. Although marginalized, for instance, some women managed to accumulate leverage for themselves by using their bodies to their own advantage, crafting a bubble of control for themselves in an otherwise misogynist environment. The numerous sexual escapades among the aristocracy often occasioned in surprising sexual deviancies, ranging from post-mortem fellatio to homosexual liaisons.

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The exchange of tales between Margaret and Amy was not unique; whispers of such gossip filled the hidden corners of similar palaces. The subversive nature in the monarchs’ sex lives excited the prudent ears of the common masses. But how did such unorthodox behavior covertly flourish within the domain of a culture that pedestaled propriety and moral righteousness? The answer lies in privilege.

Disconnected from everyday duty and life, kings and queens have always been distinct from the cultural norms of their time. This carves for them a very unique social position that remains separate from those under their jurisdiction. From this position, they manage to shatter norms and shock those who carry their tales, ultimately giving rise to the salacious gossip shared between the likes of Margaret and Amy.

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Again advancing toward Margaret, Amy added, “And did you hear about the Queen and her affection for poor dog?”

Before Margaret could answer, an opening door and advancing steps brought them to a halt; immediately, their hushed conversation faded back into dutiful scrubbing.